I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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