Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
