I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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