you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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