K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
