Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
