What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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