Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
