I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
