Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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