Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize