The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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