at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
