why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
