Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
