Swine flu is the new snow day.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
