Whatcha textin bout Willis?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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