Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
