Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
