Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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