She is in my trunk
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize