Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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