He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Say something about gay babies.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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