I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
