I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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