No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Floor bacon is actually really good
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
