i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I need moral support for this bender
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
