he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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