No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize