I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
