what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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