I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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