I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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