You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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