just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Couch. On fire.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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