i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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