I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I smell like Dick and happiness
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