You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
