I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
