How has he not realized you're pregnant?
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So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I need a burrito and a hug.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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