i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
