I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
