So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize