They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
vagina is talking i cant
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
