remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
