Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
