hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
