I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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