yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
