my shit smells like andre
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
