Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
