well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
