I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I cut my penus on the lid.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
