The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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