We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
