I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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