the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
