think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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