My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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