my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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