Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
