Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
