remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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