Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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