I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize