great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
