dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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