I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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