In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize