His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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