Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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