Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
