Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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