I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
