i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
