If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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