I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
