you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
