My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
