he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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