If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
