He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
