I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
