Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize