we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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