Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
