Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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