capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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