I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
try to milk me bitch
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
