rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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