he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
