Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
