she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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