She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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