he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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