All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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