after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
