I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He shit in the fireplace
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
